


You Found Me

by miss_elizabeth



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gen, Summer of Olicity, and Felicity is too observant, and involves the big C word, and it's sad, and this maybe shit, deals with relationships of multiple characters, in which Felicity gets a back story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-18
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-15 08:36:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/847495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_elizabeth/pseuds/miss_elizabeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Undertaking.  Felicity ends up having to get things sorted for Tommy's funeral...she confides everything in the one person she knows will never tell. Written for the Summer of Olicity challenge, prompt being 'Family'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost and Insecure

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first foray into this canon, so please be gentle with me while I get down the voices.
> 
> Had a vague plot in mind but then the Summer of Olicity prompt was "Family" and it sort of fell into place.
> 
> That being said I own nothing, have no legal right to anything and am simply playing with the plot bunnies in my head. This is all unbetaed so all mistakes are my own. I am a HUGE Olicity shipper...so this may take a romantic turn. Don't know how far this will get-but any feedback would be appreciated!
> 
> B = emphasis/text message
> 
> I = emphasis/flashback
> 
> Hope you like!

**Felicity:**  Digg, got some things to take care of today. Programs running but I'll be out for the evening. You okay to cover?

 **Diggle:**  Of course, got it covered...

 **Diggle:**  Hot date?

 **Felicity:**  How'd you know that this is how Felicity got her groove back?

 **Felicity:**  Forget I said that. I have a life, I swear.

 **Diggle:**  Fully noted and forgotten.

Felicity looked down at her phone and breathed out a sigh of relief as grabbed her purse, the flowers and the little bag next to it on the passenger seat of her car and set off. She could practically hear Diggle's chuckle in her mind. It had been nearly two months since the Undertaking. The Glades had been in need of help long before but now-it was a very different sort of hell. With the ongoing investigation at Queen Consolidation, Felicity found most of her time at work going into the database and fetching files as requested per some lawyer or the SCPD. Nights at the Foundry consisted of keeping tabs on what the SCPD knew, not to mention the List and her on-going projects of tracking Deadshot and Helena Bertinelli. Not to mention the role she found herself in-playing a sort of secretary to one Oliver Queen.

Winding her way down well worn pathway towards her destination. She was one turn away before she realized how close she was to someone else. Looking around to check that she was alone she took the left turn right before her normal right.

The grass was still short, greener stubs than what surrounding it. Felicity looked at the stone set firmly in the ground before her.

**Tommy Merlyn**

**February 9th 1985 - May 15 2013**

**Beloved son and friend**

"Hi," Felicity kept her eyes locked onto the stone, she felt anchored and a little less silly.

"I know we didn't really know each other well, but I-I couldn't go past and not stop. Those closest to you, well they're all in a rough place right now and coming here is a reminder for them. I know I don't know all of them well. Nor would I presume to but, I've been there. They are thinking of you and love you. I'm...I'm sorry about your Father," Felicity closed her eyes, shaking her head slightly. She was giving her sympathies to a headstone.

_'Well done, Smoak.'_

"Well, I just wanted to let you know that no one has forgotten you. Far from it, actually. I'd stay longer, and draw out this already supremely awkward conversation but I promised someone I'd meet with them; and I'm late. Really late," she explained putting her bag down before taking out the flowers she brought with her and taking out three daisies.

"I think though, she'll understand that you need these more right now," she said softly, walking up to the headstone she bent down and laid them out right in front, the three stems meeting in the middle.

"I'm so very, very sorry, Tommy. I'll keep an eye out for them, well mostly Oliver because I don't know how to really approach Laurel and think by being there for Oliver, he can be there for Thea. And Thea knows who I am now, which is good. She's a great kid, loves you fiercely. Anyway, the bottom line is I don't know how to put a sock in it, but I'll try to stop by on my visits. I'll even try to get Oliver to visit. But you know how stubborn the man is," sighing to herself she stood and gathered her things.

"Look, one last thing, this isn't my place but I just...I'm-I'm sorry they weren't able to give more to you. One look at Oliver and Laurel and you can see the guilt they feel. Laurel has people around her she can lean on-not that Oliver doesn't but there is so much he can't tell them and he refuses to talk about it with Diggle or I. But I'll work on it. I'll get him here, I promise...I'll annoy him into submission if need be."

Going back the way she came, Felicity wandered another row down before turning right, making her way down the row before she stopped before a somewhat more worn headstone.

"I know, I know, I'm late..."she sighed, sitting down on the ground, her skirt falling haphazardly around her legs.

"It's been crazy and not in the way you would have liked either. I know I promised to step out of my comfort zone more...and I have," she clarified her voice taking a slightly defensive tone.

"... I just don't think it's quite what you had in mind. Not that you'd ever thought there'd be a masked man going about the city like some sort of bad take of Robin Hood or anything-I mean, in all honesty saying it out loud, it sounds crazy even me," Felicity spoke rapidly but evenly, as if there was someone there, because she needed to believe there was.

"But I was apologizing, so yeah. Anyway, you know Tommy Meryln? Of course you do, you pushed me into dancing with him that night. You know, the one where your friend vomited on my shoes? Yeah, well he-" Felicity felt her throat tighten, momentarily disabling her words.

"He died," she finally managed, her voice quieter than before. He had been kind to her, even with his disagreement about what Oliver did. The few times she got caught (she really needed to work on her stealth) coming in and out of the lair he was always nice, if not a bit distant. But who wouldn't be in that situation-admittedly she wasn't, but she had figured out a while ago she was the exception to many rules.

"I mean, a lot of people did, less than it could have been, I know...still... Anyway, Oliver couldn't handle it-nor could Laurel really, so I stepped in. I'm under the impression that things went south between Oliver and Laurel after Tommy died and neither really came to terms with it-or each other. So, I took care of it," she explained, picking up a piece of grass and twisting it about absentmindedly.

"Don't get me wrong, it was awkward-I mean, who the hell am I to her? To Tommy? But someone had to, you know-anyway, oh Cas, it was horrible..."

* * *

_There had been a fallout between him and Laurel after Tommy's death. Well, she assumed there was, and Diggle's cryptic looks and Oliver's gruffness (well, excessive gruffness. He had a natural gruffness about him she supposed but that's neither here nor there) confirmed it. Oh, and how she somehow took over the funeral plans. That hadn't been awkward in the least, seeking out Laurel's opinion on a few things._

_Oliver had closed himself off. The mentioning of Tommy had him tensing and constantly on edge so he did what his Oliver Queen persona did best-left it to others. Not that she didn't understand, she did, better than most but it's not like she was close to the man. The one time she tried to ask Oliver something he stabbed one of the dummies with a bamboo stick._

_"Oliver? Um, just a quick question for you-is there anything you'd like in the program? A poem, or lyrics or something? I doubted Tommy had any personal favorite poets-or poems, but I didn't want to assume. Not that, you know he didn't like poetry. Or the written word, or music...I just didn't know if...well, it's not like people generally have this conversation you know, about what they want at their funeral, unless it's something like crazy, like a hot air balloon scattering ashes over the city. Not that that's crazy, if he wanted that...but perhaps I'll cram it and let you answer, alright. So...anything? You can think on it for a bit...but not too long need to get this to the printers and all..."_

_There was a heavy silence as Felicity stood, swaying back and forth from the heel to the balls of her feet. She watched Oliver's back, looking for any sign of acknowledgement, biting her lip to keep the word vomit from continuing._

_Slap._

_Thonk._

_Thwack._

_**Crash**._

_Felicity winced, one eye shut in response to the sound of the dummy falling to the ground, splintered wood stick protruding from it's chest. Oliver was walking away before Felicity registered anything. "No."_

_She raised one hand to protest but quickly thought better of it as he stalked towards the bathroom, passing Diggle on his way in._

_Taking a deep breath she went over to her desk, and went to Google._

_"More research?" Diggle asked._

_"Not quite," Felicity muttered looking up Laurel Lance's number. Diggle took one look at the piles of paperwork on her desk, a casket catalogue on the top._

_"I don't envy you right now," he said, leaning to the left of her station. She responded with a grumble about someone having to be an adult before jotting down the number and swiveling her chair to face Diggle._

_"I'm going home, there's wine and TV and likely a cat who won't remember what I look like to help me," she explained gathering what she needed before grabbing her coat and heading to the stairs._

_"Good luck," she said to him. Diggle looked at her curiously._

_"I was going to say that to you,"_

_"Yes, well, while I'm dealing with the 'it's complicated maybe ex' of the Hood, you are going to on one with the Hood. Perhaps, we both need it?" Felicity smiled brighter than she felt at Diggle who seemed to be absorbing the information._

_"Touche,"_

_After arriving home Felicity changed into her pyjamas and refilled the cat bowl she took out the leftovers she had stashed from two nights ago. Finding the bottle of wine she stashed "in case of emergencies" she opened it and poured herself a liberal nd sitting on the couch to stare at the post it with Laurel's number._

_Taking a long drink, she stretched out post it stuck on the top of her knee as she pondered all the ways to approach this. It was at this point her cat joined her, sitting at the top of the couch and stared down at her._

_"What? You have any better ideas Musket?"_

_In response he saddled up next to her and tried to play with the post it._

_"Yes, thank you I know. Here goes nothing..."_

_Taking one last long drink she put down the wine and picked up the phone to dial. It rang three times, each one somehow seemed longer than the last, although Felicity knew that wans't possible._

_Her other hand busy lavishing her seemingly unloved cat with attention she waited. "Hello?"_

_"Oh, hi. Um, Laurel? This is Felicity Smoak. We met briefly, I helped Oliver with the internet..."_

_There was silence for a moment and Felicity was about to fill it (with what she didn't know) when Laurel spoke._

_"At Verdant, yes I remember. Is there a reason you're calling? I've got some-"_

_"Yes, well the thing is," Felicity felt her mouth go dry. 'How to say this? "Somehow although I've only met him twice for about 5 minutes and danced with him some 7 years ago, not that he remembered this which is for the best- and have somehow become in charge of his funeral. I was wondering if you'd like to way in?'"_

_No. No no no._

_"I am helping Oliver out with the details of Tommy's funeral," Felicity finally said. She heard Laurel's voice catch. She mentally patted herself on the back for not going with option A._

_"Oliver doesn't seem to have much preference on a few things that are sort of import, so I thought I'd ask you?"_

_She was met with an initial silence, for a moment Felicity thought the line went dead but a glance at her phone told her otherwise._

_"I, give me a second," she heard movement and a muffled conversation._

_"No, it's fine. I can do this, Dad," then the sound of a door closing._

_"How can I help?"_

_"I was hoping you could tell me his favorite color? I know, it sounds weird but-"_

_"He loved blue. It never occurred to me to ask his favorite, but he," there was a pause and it almost sounded like a smile-not that it made sense who could hear a smile? But Laurel sounded lighter when she spoke. "He always knew he looked good in blue, blue and gray."_

_Felicity jotted it down quickly and went on._

_"I don't expect an answer to this one now, but would you like to speak? At, at the funeral, not now obviously, we are talking now so that would be weird..."_

_"Well, the way we left things..." Felicity recognized the hesitation in her voice. "That's fine. Sleep on it, but do you think there's someone else who would? I mean, I know his father..."_

_"To be honest, besides Oliver and I, there isn't anyone he was particularly close to-well, Thea. Thea might want to say something, I know she thought of Tommy as another brother."_

_"Thea, of course," Felicity said before finishing off her glass of wine. There seemed to be an unspoken sentiment of 'Why didn't Oliver mention it?' but Felicity chalked it up to an over active brain and the fact that she started her wine and had yet to dig into the left overs._

_"I'll get in contact with her then-if you think of anything, or want to talk let me know. Oh! Also, any photos you have, I was thinking about putting something together. I could pick them up, or if you could email them to me? I'll take good care of them and return them of course..."_

_"Uh, sure. I'll see what I have. To be honest Thea may have access to more, I know Moira had a lot-from before Oliver..."_

_Felicity nodded, then realized Laurel couldn't see that response. "I'll ask her about them then, yeah. Thanks, Laurel."_

_"Sure...is that all?"_

_"Yeah, again, if you change your mind or want to read something-"_

_"I'll let you know."_

_"Yeah..." How to end this conversation?_

_"G'night then!"_

_"Goodnight."_

_A click on her phone later Felicity let out a deep breath. One awkward conversation down-another arises. Thea Queen, yeah she could do this. It's not weird. She just worked with-or for her brother but she didn't know that, and used to work for her step father. They met at the hospital. They're all friends. That's...explainable..._

_Crap._

* * *

"So there you have that. Considering how it could have gone-I consider it a personal triumph, and you should too. I mean, I still cringe a little when I think about it, but still. Could have been much worse. That's all I'm saying," Felicity's dropped the strand of grass as she put her hands in defense on the matter.

"Well, I may or may not have promised things to Tommy that are very much out of my control. It just pains me to think that no one has come to see him," she paused for a moment. One of her hands running over the grass in absent minded thought, the other gently rubbing the bridge on her nose where her glasses fell.

"I mean, his father's dead, his mother died a long time ago and the people who loved him most are too broken to come. And once again, I let my thoughts hijack my mouth before I could think it through. But I'll try, I'll even try to recruit Diggle too. Maybe I'll just withhold Big Belly Burgers from him..." Felicity's thoughts wandered for a moment before she shook her head in effort to clear them away.

_'I will not cry. I've cried enough. Pull it together Smoak!'_

Taking a deep breath stared down at her hands and closed her eyes trying to focus on the beating of her heart to calm her.

"But-that's not really the point. Where was I? Oh yeah, thankfully, Thea was great about it. I mean, I had to lie a bit, no way around that one these days. But she had everything I needed and it was fun. Well, sort of. Some of the photos, you know how it is, remembering is great," she smiled, at the grave stone before her.

"Until you remember they're not there anymore," she said softly allowing the meloncholy one moment of reprieve before pushing it back.

"-it was cute though, how her boyfriend wouldn't leave her side, sweet really. He's protective of her, whenever she got sad, before I could even say anything he was there, making her smile again." she had found new pieces of grass and was knotting them together as she continued.

"It's stupid really, I barely have time to pee yet I find myself wanting that. And Cas, honestly Mom doesn't shut up about finding a nice guy! I've got enough on my plate as it is, between work and the incompetent idiots that think just because something is new it's better. I mean come on, Vista? Really," she rolled her eyes and puff out a breath, leaning back on one arm.

"Then there's the time at the bat cave, and with the Undertaking, the amount of paperwork I've been doing. You'd think I was in accounting! Then I've got those two-erm,  ** _systems_** ," she used air quotes for emphasis.

"I'm tracking. And I'm trying to volunteer once or twice a week-oh!," she sat up straight and leaned forward her eyes taking on her a more serious stare.

"Diggle is helping me train so I can defend myself. I hope wherever you are you're getting a laugh out of me falling on my ass. That way someone's getting something out of it," she grumbled.

"I don't know, you've improved some," a voice from behind her said with some amusement.

Panicking, Felicity grabbed the closest thing and threw it. Oliver caught the plastic bag with little difficulty but a small tupperware box fell out in the process. Bending to pick it up he lifted one defined eyebrow in question.

"I take it back, you do need some more work," Oliver smiled as he approached his now bewildered and more than mortified IT girl, his hand holding out the box.

Grabbing the it out of his hand, Felicity turned back to the head stone, refusing to meet his eyes.

"How much did you hear?"

**TBC...?**


	2. Lying on the floor surrounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Same time period as the last chapter, covering Oliver's POV this time. Tommy's funeral, fallout with Laurel...etc. Meets up with the previous chapter and continues on a little from there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Wow...thank you for the overwhelming response! I am so pleased you like it guys!
> 
> This chapter is from Oliver's POV. I have found that I'm better at writing Felicity's POV, so I ask that you hang in there with me. It covers the same time period, meets with Felicity's and then continues to play out a bit further than the last chapter. As it turns out, I had a lot more ideas for this chapter and Oliver's POV than I thought. So there will be at least one more chapter. I swear you'll get more answers there. I will be working most of this week, then going away for the weekend but I promise I'll get it up ASAP.
> 
> Comments/feedback welcome. All mistakes are mine, this is unbetaed so there are bound to be lots of them. I own nothing, well, just a few background characters of no consequence.
> 
> Once again...  
> I = emphasis/flashback. <3

His evening patrols and training with Diggle where the one break he had from the on going drama around his family, his personal problems.

"Whoa, I think that's enough for me tonight," John Diggle's voice broke him out of his thoughts.

"Still healing and Carly will kill me if I end up even more sore-even worse if I came back with a black eye," he went on taking off the gear he had put on.

Taking a moment to look at the man opposite, Oliver felt a knot of guilt in the pit of his stomach. "Sorry, I got a little-"

Turning to face him, Diggle cut him off. "Look, Oliver, this is bound to have an impact on you-"

"Diggle," Oliver's voice took the hard edge he had when he didn't want to talk about something. The one he used when trying to intimidate a target. The one he often used when Diggle tried to go into emotional territory that he wasn't prepared to delve into. Not dealing with it was his favorite way of dealing with it.

"Don't pull that warning crap with me, Oliver. I'm not saying we should have a big group hug or anything, but you should talk to someone about it. Talk about something, pushing yourself like this...it isn't going to end well," he explained grabbing a clean towel to wipe off.

Oliver watched as Diggle grabbed two bottles of water, throwing one in his direction. Catching it easily, Oliver took a long drink.

"I'm calling it a night, you might want to do the same. Felicity's got some programs running, but nothing's popped yet, she's out having a life-" Diggle went on, grabbing his duffle bag before heading towards the stairs.

Oliver looked around the room, Felicity's chair by the computers empty. He found himself missing the sound of fingers hitting the keyboard. Even her talking-it kept him focused, but present. Annoying at times, but it worked to keep him grounded.

"Take a shower, cool off and I don't know, what do vigilantes do with an evening off?" Diggle smirked before heading up the stairs.

Oliver watched as he left, taking another drink before putting down the bottle and heading to his bow. Releasing some tennis he released the arrows without thinking, each stuck to the wall, arrow directly pierced through the center of each.

Movement caught his eye without a thought he grabbed an arrow and zeroed in on the movement. One lone tennis ball drifted away, dribbling slowly before stopping and rolling along the wall.

"Maybe I should get out," Oliver said aloud, looking around the basement, silent save for the fans of the computers.

Leaving the lair he got on his bike and headed home, quickly taking a shower before getting dressed. After sending a text to Marshal, the temporary manager he hired that he'd be out for the night. He headed down the stairs and was nearly out the door when he saw the note on the table in the foyer. Picking it up he noted a few small boxes and a USB behind the note.

_Ollie-_

_Grabbing dinner with Walter. He wanted to meet Roy. This will be a story, for sure. Anyway-won't be home tonight. It might be good for you to go through these-it helped me in the long run. Also take a look at the slideshow Felicity put together-you owe him that much._

_Thea_

Oliver looked from the boxes to the note then finally to the USB. Thea was right, he owed him. He doubted however, just how much watching a slideshow would put a dent in that debt. Picking it up he went to plug it into the laptop by the coffee table.

The first image had been one of Tommy's favorites. It was Halloween, they were six and both dressed as Superman. They had been planning on being Batman and Robin but neither wanted to be the sidekick. Rebecca Merlyn is Lois Lane for them, having just saved her life they are being hugged and kissed on the cheek by their grateful damsel. Neither are pleased with the lipstick on their cheeks, which makes her try to kiss them more. Moira took the photo, a little shaky from laughter.

It faded into one they took after graduating, Oliver had jumped on Tommy's back shortly after receiving their diplomas. They were fighting a hangover and didn't remember much of the night before but he remembers thinking that it had been worth it. They had been so carefree, living for the next thrill. Jaw clenched tightly, he closes the computer with more force than needed, grabs his helmet and takes off on his bike.

Going around to the lesser used entrance he entered the gravesite, parking his bike a block away. Walking towards the gates, Oliver looks around, keeping his guard up. Walking towards the Meryln plot, a walk he knew by heart having walked this way with Tommy times before.

He had approached the turn off where the Merlyn plot was located when he noticed a spot of white. As he got closer he saw he noticed that they were flowers, still fresh that had been placed on Tommy's grave. Muscles tensing he looked around the area, listening for any sound but heard nothing.

_'Thea was out and Laurel had left the city to spend time with her mother...'_

Panic set in quick-they had yet to recover Malcolm Merlyn's body. If somehow he'd been able to...

Most would likely say it was paranoia, but most hadn't been through everything he had. The wound where he had stabbed himself and Malcolm throbbed slightly, tensed at the thought that just maybe-maybe he had failed even worse than he had previously suspected.

Checking the grass directly around the grave he noticed a flattened area, someone sitting or kneeling not long before he arrived. Scanning the area revealed nothing. another row of plots, a scattering of trees-but hardly good enough to conceal someone. No, if they were here, they were still on foot.

Following the shallow footprints from the grass to the dirt pathway he quietly followed the prints, out onto the main road and down one block to the right. Keeping on the grass as not to disturb the weak trail he followed, he noticed that there were hardly any places to hide that were close, but in the middle of the next row there was a tree that offered a small amount of camouflage. Making his way quietly Oliver stood completely still, he had a knife in his jacket pocket, but he hoped it wouldn't come to that. He had jumped to a perch on a branch, to allow himself a better vantage point when he was caught off guard by a familiar voice.

"But I was apologizing, so yeah...Anyway, you know Tommy Merlyn?"

Oliver let go of the branch, popping his head from behind the tree he had taken sanctuary behind.

"Of course you do, you pushed me into dancing with him that night. You know, the one where your friend vomited on my shoes? Yeah, well he-"

'What? She knew Tommy before this? Danced with him? When? Was I there...? And who vomited on her shoes?'

"He died," Oliver noted how quiet her voice had gotten. He felt his heart drop to his shoes as he heard her go on. Her idle hands picked up some grass and he watched as she twisted it about.

"I mean, a lot of people did, less than it could have been, I know...still... Anyway, Oliver couldn't handle it-nor could Laurel really, so I stepped in. I'm under the impression that things went south between Oliver and Laurel after Tommy died and neither really came to terms with it-or each other. So, I took care of it,"

Oliver watched as she continued on, staring in awe of the woman sitting before him. How was she always able to read him, no matter the mask he was wearing? She had done it all? Thea had mentioned her in the note but-how did she know what do? He wondered briefly how Thea got in contact with Felicity, but he got too distracted by her note to pay any mind to it.

"Don't get me wrong, it was awkward-I mean, who the hell am I to her? To Tommy? But someone had to, you know-anyway, oh Cas, it was horrible..."

She went on, recounting her conversation with Diggle, her conversation with her cat. He made a note to ask about the it's name. Then her conversation with Laurel. Dear lord, was he that oblivious?

 _'You know the answer to that one,'_ his mind retorted and he bit back a growl. Taking over the company, dealing with lawyers-the cities, Moira's, even Walter's; he'd been trying to spend time with Thea but, she seemed to have little to say to him since Tommy's funeral. Or rather since he didn't make much of an appearence at it. Then research, training and his patrolling schedule had intensified-he knew he was shirking some of the work but he never meant for Felicity to carry it. Shit.

 

* * *

_Oliver threw himself into his responsibilities completely, working with the police and lawyers requiring his attention as Walter had stepped aside and the board had yet to assign a new interim CEO._

_He found the mask of being playboy billionaire club owner to be tiring but still necessary. There had been little time to talk to Laurel, but what had been said didn't end well. He couldn't be honest with her about his role as the Hood. And even if he could, he wasn't sure it'd help any. Now instead of just Sarah, there was Tommy's death that hung between them._

_The guilt clung to him like a bad rap-which wasn't really that far off. If she knew about his evening activities, that it was his fault that the second device went off- He should have been the one there that night. He should have died, not Tommy._

_He had tried to deal with head on, he did. He sat at the cafe waiting for Laurel, a pile of information stacked in front of him. Oliver stood up when she entered, sitting down after she did._

_"Hey,"_

_"Hi," Oliver's eyes never left her face, her own eyes never leaving her hands placed on her lap._

_"Look this isn't going to work-"_

_Oliver bit the inside of his cheek, keeping his emotions in check. "We could go somewhere else to figure this out-"_

_Laurel shook her head, finally looking up her eyes still pink from tears she'd previously shed._

_"That night-it was a mistake, but now I can't be with you. I can't, do this with you. Spending time with you only makes it worse," she confided._

_"Laurel-"_

_"No, Oliver. I just-I can't. After the funeral I'm going to spend some time with my Mother. Time outside of Starling City, to clear my mind," Laurel moved her hand as if to touch him but thought better of it. Shaking her head she left the cafe, Oliver still routed to the spot as he watched her leave._

_He constantly replayed it in his mind, if he had been honest with Tommy. If he told him-if he tried to explain it why he did what he did. Not that facing the fact that his father had gone completely off the deep end made the situation any easier for him._

_But there was nothing for it. Despite everything he failed his best friend and the woman who had been his guiding light when it seemed the darkness surrounded him has left. Taking a deep breath, his hand gripping the the pile of information tight, crumpling it under the force._

_Getting up he headed back to the club, throwing the now crumpled pile of papers onto the desk closest to him before getting throwing off his shirt and grabbing a polished stick and practicing his attacks in fast repetition._

_Right._

_Shoulder. ***crack***_

_Left._

_Chest. ***crack***_

_Right._

_Knee. ***crack***_

_Knocking down the dummy Oliver turned to the next one, repeating the actions in different succession. The second one fell down he heard the sounds of someone approaching and quickly turned to face the intruder, stick at the ready._

_Facing a startled Felicity, hands up in a show of defeat; stick inches away from her face._

_"I give up!" Carefully craning her neck Felicity looked behind him, seeing the grounded dummies._

_"Whoa, they insult your aim or something?"_

_Lowering the stick he had brandished at the perky IT girl, he grumbling in response._

_"Didn't know you were here," he muttered turning back towards the dummies._

_"I figured that out when you nearly floored me," she responded, retreating back to her computers and sitting down to continue her search._

_"Honestly, you should think about offering healthcare or something-with the way you keep sneaking up on me I wouldn't be surprised if I suffer from early onset heart attacks or something. That's a thing, you should feel preeeetty guilty about it," she went on, typing away on the keyboard as she did._

_Choosing to ignore her, he bit back a small smile and focused instead on the steady stream of fingers against the keyboards. He felt oddly soothed as he worked, it helped his mind block out the other things his mind was replaying constantly. Tommy's face, every time he closed his eyes he saw him. Saw him comparing himself to his father-saw him die for Laurel, for him._

_Oliver didn't know when it stopped but he was suddenly aware of the lack of sound. Felicity hadn't left, but there was a lack of typing. A lack of her voice quietly muttering as she refused to allow whatever it was she was trying to get in to or find, best her. Jumping down from the bars he grabbed another towel and looked to her desk. Since she arrived, they had all used the computers but it was distinctly her area, they were her computers, it was her zone they were just allowed in it. Part of him wondered just how that had happened._

_He found here where he'd left her-although one arm was leaning on the desk, her head propped up on it eyes closed. Her work heels were tucked underneath the table, one leg dangling off the chair and the other tucked under her. For a moment, he wondered what it was like. The sleep of the innocent-it had been so long._

_"Felicity, go home," he finally spoke, standing a small distance behind her chair. Startled awake, the foot she was sitting on jumped up before the blood flow returned to it and as she stood startled-she nearly toppled back down._

_Oliver's hands quickly steadied her, one perched on each arm as she righted herself._

_"What did I say about the sneaking thing?" she asked with a yawn, rubbing the sleep from her eyes._

_"Go home Felicity, you've got work tomorrow," he said softly, grabbing her coat from the back of her chair with on hand. The other still on her upper arm._

_She nodded, mumbling something before he walked to get a clean shirt._

_"And you? You need to rest too you know, I mean likely more so. Not that I need more rest than you because I work harder or something. I don't, I just mean what you do is more exerting on the body and therefore you'd need to sleep too," she explained in her typical Felicity way._

_"Not that I've noticed if you have or have not exerted your body-" A smile made an appearance on his lips, her embarrassed rambling always made him smile. He watched her put her coat on, her cheeks turning red as she tried to stop the flow of words._

_"Also, do you not get sick? I've been wondering that, I mean magical island herbs that help heal you are great. But I doubt they have the properties to help with your immune system," she went on grabbing her shoes while he got more water._

_"It's nearly 2 AM!? Shit, I need to do laundry too! What am I going to wear tomorrow?" Oliver grinned despite himself, leaning over the sink and allowing the cool water to hit his face. Drying off he went back over to the desk Felicity stood, going what he assumed were some last minute search things that would likely go over his head._

_Putting his hands on her shoulders he leaned in and spoke clearly, "Go. Home."_

_He felt her body stiffen under his hands after he spoke. Her eyes wide like a deer in the headlights, and she nodded. It was then he noticed how she vaguely smelled of citrus. She moved away quickly, heading towards the stairs. Reaching the top she looked back at him._

_"You should too," she spoke it softly but he heard it from the bottom of the stairs. Oliver heard the door close before grabbing his change of clothes to change properly. He somehow didn't notice that the crumpled pile of papers were gone._

_He'd barely seen her after that-she didn't stand still at all for the next week. He'd see flashes of color about the basement, at Queen Consolidated. He was worn out, his nights becoming taken up with increasing amount of meetings with different departments, staff, lawyers. He'd been short on patience, snapping a few times over the phone at her. But she never let it stop her. Then that night at the foundry, when she had inquired about what Tommy would have wanted. She left shortly after speaking to him, Diggle was on him about it as soon as she left. Not that he listened. Tommy's funeral was two days away, he had read the obituary in the morning paper. There would be a private funeral, open to friends and family of the deceased. He had assumed it was Laurel's doing._

_Oliver had woken that dreadful morning before the sun was up, wandered aimlessly through the house trying not to think of burying his best friend. He had gone as far as to make breakfast for Thea, making waffles and cutting up her favorite fruits; blueberries and strawberries._

_"Ollie?" He turned at the sound of her still sleepy voice at the doorway. Offering her a small smile he placed a plate with waffles and fruits down at the small island behind him._

_Thea looked at him questioningly, before he turned back, grabbing a mug and filling it with coffee before placing it next to her plate. He was rewarded with a real, albeit short lived smile._

_"Thanks," she said, grabbing the milk and sitting down to eat. Grabbing the sweetener he made his way around the island, placing it next to her and planting a kiss on her forehead._

_"Sure thing, Speedy," they shared a smile before she finished and wandered off to get ready. Roy picked her up, Oliver ran into him waiting for Thea by the stairs. Narrowing his eyes, Oliver sized up the young man before him. He did the same to Oliver. A silent stare off started, neither one willing to back down. Thea cleared her throat and both men looked to her as she continued down the stairs._

_"Are you coming?" Thea took his arm, looking curiously at him._

_"I'll meet you there-" Oliver explained. Giving her a kiss on the cheek, he saw them off._

_Oliver showered and got dressed, before getting on his bike. The feel of the wind against him, the sounds of the city it kept him in the present, a constant reminder he was alive. That he had to keep going. He had gotten there fast enough, knowing the route by heart. Parking his bike he started to make his way to the small crowd that had gathered when his feet simply failed him._

_Laurel was there, her father and mother by her side to support her; Thea was sandwiched protectively between Roy and Walter who had made sure to be there. There were a few friends, people they'd met at college, a few of Laurel's associates that he became friendly with when they were together but the gathering was small. No more than twenty people. He noticed the vacant chair between Detective Lance and Walter. It was for him, everything in his mind told him to go take his place but his feet were rooted to the ground. Diggle was there, standing a small distance away from the mourners, close enough to do something in case anything happened, but far away enough to maintain proper respect for the family. There was an empty row, followed by another, occupied only by Felicity, standing and holding leaflets out as people arrived. For a brief moment their eyes met, her dark blue eyes seeming to understand what he can't say. Her nod of understanding is small before she offers a small smile to the person in front of her, offering what he can only assume are comforting words before she heads towards Walter, then the priest._

_There was no need for him, he was the one who put him there-the one this should have been for. Oliver ducked away, finding a low hanging tree to sit by, he could hear everything, every word. But he couldn't bring himself to look. The ceremony started, the words and voices blending together until he heard Thea. He managed to turn his head, keeping his eyes focused on her, never risking them straying to the headstone near her._

_Her eyes were rimmed in pink from tears but he knew that face. It was the look she showed the world when she was hurt but refused to let them see her tears. The worst part was he couldn't bring himself to be there, to lessen the hurt. Her normally quick and energetic voice now mournful as she spoke._

_"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart-broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken," Her voice faltered for a moment and she looked over to Walter, Roy and Laurel before continuing._

_"'You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose -" Oliver could hear the crack in her voice before it happened. He wanted to run to her, take her in his arms to shield her from any further loss but his body weighed him down like an anchor. Felicity ran up quickly offering her a glass of water, her hand on Thea's arm reassuring her. Whatever they spoke of was their secret but it had gotten a small but genuine smile from his sister. With a deep breath she continued,_

_"'lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.' I know I could be a pain, constantly pestering you; but you never complained. You were my rock when no one else was, and for that Tommy, I can't ever thank you. You and Oliver may have been best friends, but you-you were my best friend too. I...I miss you,"_

* * *

 

Felicity's voice altered, her tone somewhat altered, more resigned.

"So there you have that. Considering how it could have gone-I consider it a personal triumph, and you should too. I mean, I still cringe a little when I think about it, but still... Could have been much worse. That's all I'm saying," Oliver watched her as she spoke, her normal animated self returning quickly, her hands moving as quickly as her mouth. He found it increasingly difficult not to smile when she did that, which was often.

"Well, I may or may not have promised things to Tommy that are very much out of my control," Oliver's neck tensed at the mention of Tommy again. He knew he should walk away, or at least make his presence known to her. He was invading her personal time, but something about the way she spoke to whoever it was, easily and animated, so full of life-it had him wondering just how she did it.

How was she so happy, so constantly on? Whoever this was clearly meant a lot to her but she remains her cheerful happy self. Whether he stayed because he was awed, because he wanted to learn how she did, or to get answers to the questions now filling his head he wasn't sure.

"It just pains me to think that no one has come to see him," she paused for a moment, readjusting her glasses as she absentmindly played with the grass.

"I mean, his father's dead, his mother died a long time ago and the people who loved him most are too broken to come," she had summed it up rather perfectly really. Thea and Laurel had all lost so much already, the fact that they lost even more-that it was his own fault, was a fact he was having difficulty facing.

"And once again, I let my thoughts hijack my mouth before I could think it through. But I'll try, I'll even try to recruit Diggle too. Maybe I'll just withhold Big Belly Burgers from him..." Oliver didn't bother to try to hide the grin that her words caused. It was an amusing image really, her trying to blackmail him with burgers. He found it more amusing when he didn't think too hard on why she'd be blackmailing him.

"But-that's not really the point. Where was I? Oh yeah, thankfully, Thea was great about it. I mean, I had to lie a bit, no way around that one these days. But she had everything I needed and it was fun. Well, sort of. Some of the photos, you know how it is, remembering is great," she smiled, her voice the cheerful Felicity he's come to look forward to greeting at the lair.

"Until you remember they're not there anymore," her voice softened, there was a moment of pause and he could hear the sadness, the pain in her voice. He had seen her embarrassed, happy, bruised, hurt, but this sort of lasting sadness-it just touched the surface of the feelings she seemed to have when they thought they lost Walter.

"-it was cute though, how her boyfriend wouldn't leave her side, sweet really. He's protective of her, whenever she got sad, before I could even say anything he was there, making her smile again." Her voice was back to the more cheerful tone he was used to, blathering on while her colorful nails split and braided the grass. Something about Felicity's praise made him feel a tiny bit better about Roy. Thea had thrown herself fully into the relationship and while he was glad she was happy, he didn't fully trust the kid. Her approval of him in that aspect calmed him slightly. Thea was in good hands.

"It's stupid really, I barely have time to pee yet I find myself wanting that. And Cas, honestly Mom doesn't shut up about finding a nice guy! I've got enough on my plate as it is, between work and the incompetent idiots that think just because something is new it's better. I mean come on, Vista?   _Really_ ," He watched her as she readjusted herself, becoming more comfortable as she went into more personal territory than they had covered before. While he knew she wasn't seeing anyone, she freely admitted it, this sort of admission felt different.

"Then there's the time at the bat cave, and with the Undertaking, the amount of paperwork I've been doing. You'd think I was in accounting! Then I've got those two-erm, systems," Oliver shook his head in silent amusement as he watched her use air quotes to describe her ongoing projects of tracking Helena and Deadshot. He never realized just how much he'd come to depend on her, during their missions as well as the leg work involved before.

"I'm tracking. And I'm trying to volunteer once or twice a week," leaning back Oliver closed his eyes, hitting his head against the bark. She wondered how he kept going with patrols, the Oliver Queen life for the press and his family while she-she had her normal work load, and managed to pick up all the balls that he'd given up on juggling.

 _'You're an ass,'_ his mind told him, all parts for once in agreement about something.

"-oh!," the sudden change in demeanor startled him slightly. Despite how amusing it was to watch her, Oliver supposed it was time to make his presence known to her. GPS tracking was one thing, but this was a new level-even if it wasn't intentional.

"Diggle is helping me train so I can defend myself. I hope wherever you are you're getting a laugh out of me falling on my ass. That way someone's getting something out of it," she grumbled the last bit out and while she did have a ways to go (she really needed to work on her self awareness) she did almost have Diggle on the mat the other day. Almost. Sort of. If you squinted. Standing, he brushed the dirt from his pants and walked behind her.

"I don't know, you've improved some," he said, the amusement of her words and her demeanor evident.

Oliver watched as the muscles of her back straightened and tensed. It was a split second before he noticed she had hurled something at him. Catching the bag with ease he walked closer, picking up the small tupperware box fell that had fallen out. One eyebrow raised in a combination of amusement and curiosity he handed it back to her.

"I take it back, you do need some more work," he could see her tale tale blush return to her, her cheeks flooding with color as she attempted to remain composed while actively not looking at him as she grabbed the box from him. He admired her attempt.

"How much did you hear?" Felicity's voice was a combination of embarrassment and quiet resignation. Whether it was to the fact that she was overheard, or had a boss with stalkerish tendencies, he was unsure.

He had opened his mouth to respond but she cut him off, finally turning to face him.

"Not that you have any right to be here. Here with me, I mean. Not that you're with me but-no, not rambling myself into embarrassment again, you have no reason to be here, standing behind me. What do you have to say for yourself, Oliver?"

Despite everything, the fact that she was sitting and he was standing, he was a taller and more imposing figure than she, (which he knowingly tried to use to his advantage), or the fact that he was her boss seemed to stop the frustration and anger he clearly saw in her eyes. Once again, Felicity surprised him. He was pleased with the surprise---he usually was when it came to her. However, he wisely thought showing said pleasure would only anger her further. Instead, he busied his mind with an explanation.


	3. Just a little late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity talks about her loss and Oliver discovers there is more to her than he could have thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conclusion time! First off, want to thank sashapagetjcap on tumblr for taking a look at this chapter for me, I really appreciate it! Secondly, thank you all for the comments and follows of this story-it's overwhelming and I love it!
> 
> There is talk of cancer and treatment that is based off a friends experience. That being said, science is so not my thing so my additional research may be a bit off. Forgive me.

Oliver stared blankly at the petite blonde sitting in front of him. She was leaning back on her arms, slightly reclined but tense with frustration-all focused on him. One eyebrow was quirked upward, her head tilted to the side. It reminded him of the first time they met, in her office when he so obviously lied to her but she said nothing on the matter.

Felicity knew then and she'd likely know now. The silence was becoming heavy, something he didn't like, not now. Not between them. There were too many people he had to keep at arm's length, keep the facade up around. Fighting every instinct to lie, to find an easy way out, he decided on telling her the truth.

"I came to see Tommy," he finally admitted in a low voice, hands at his side as his fingers balled into fists before extending fully.

It was clear she hadn't expected an honest answer from him, the surprise evident on her face as he watched her work through what her response would be.

"Then, what are you doing here, listening to me have a private conversation?"

"The flowers." he stated simply, the process of questioning who had left them a simple one. Or so it was for him.

"The flowers?" She looked at him with mild skepticism. What did flowers have to do with him being a creeper on her downtime? Oliver closed his eyes, taking a slow deep breath. For a genius she missed quite a bit. However, compared to Oliver most did.

"Ooooh, the flowers!" The light that went off in her mind was visible and Oliver found himself once more amused by the woman in front of him.

"So you thought I was-" she tucked her chin in, puffed up her shoulders and took a mean stance, looking up at him with serious eyes. Oliver looked back, this time his eyebrow raised in question and more than a little confusion. Deflating, she bit her lower lip.

"It was what I thought he acted like-you know, big serious psychotic businessman out to ruin the city," she paused and looked somewhat sheepishly up at him.

"I was off?"

Despite the circumstances and the location, Oliver found himself laughing. Really laughing, finally nodding in agreement.

"A bit." he admitted. Felicity nodded her head to the side, inviting him to join her on the ground.

"So, bad impressions of bad guys aside, you're telling me you thought that Malcolm survived, left flowers on Tommy's grave and aimed to track him down?" A silent nod confirmed her theory as he took a seat next to her.

Felicity pursed her lips, thinking of what to say. While she felt slightly violated by the intrusion, she was was pleased he was here-to see Tommy. And he hadn't lied, neither of which were expected. But still, frustration ran through her veins unwilling to dissipate completely.

He watched her face as she thought, one thing he enjoyed about being around her was how expressive she was. Although the outcome often surprised him, she ran through emotions quickly on her face, it was an open response. Something he'd long forgotten how to do. After another brief silence she punched the arm closest to her, it was a punch one did when annoyed, nothing like Diggle had been training her to do. But it served its purpose.

"Oww." Oliver whined, more in surprise than actual pain, bringing his other hand up to rub what would become a small bruise.

"Really? You've been shot, stabbed, drugged, hit in the head and you're saying 'Ow' to my lacklustre punch? Some big, bad Hood you are." she remarked, rolling her eyes as Oliver tried his best at puppy dog eyes. Felicity found not looking at his eyes to be best.

Realizing he was in a losing battle, he shrugged in response.

"I wanted to make you feel like the training was paying off." he explained, refolding his legs in front of him.

"Gee, thanks." she murmured in response.

"That's all you've got then? I honestly expected more of a response-I'm a little disappointed, really." Oliver stated, pleasantly surprised by the lack of words his companion had now.

"Well, I was sort of surprised by the appearance of a strange man. Those sort of things throw me off my game...thus throwing the bag at you. If it helps, I'm working on something now." Felicity explained, stopping herself from sticking out her tongue at him.

"I'm sure you're pleased you don't have to withhold Big Belly from me." he grinned, taking too much (if Felicity's opinion) of a victory in the moment.

"You bastard! You heard that-and stayed there!?" She turned to him, voice raised and eyes wide as he grinned widely. She took the moment to grab her purse and swung it into his chest. Not expecting another attack, Oliver was knocked down slightly, adapting quickly and leaning on his elbows as he caught his breath.

"What do you keep in there, bricks?" Instead of waiting for a response he balanced himself on one arm, grabbing her purse-holding hand before it could retreat entirely to her side.

Felicity shrieked in response and made to grab it with her other hand but he was too quick. Grabbing it, he then turned onto his side, tucking it beneath his chest using his arms to block her and his chest as a shield. Not one to give up she tried to dive for it, one hand caught slightly underneath his frame; the purse tucked neatly between his arms.

"No fair!" She tried to wiggle her fingers, her hand being caught between the grass and his arm but she couldn't budge his massive frame. It was this point she realized that she was pretty much draped over him. And she found that he smelled quite good, like wind, leather, sweat and Oliver. Not only that but he was warm and surprisingly comfortable.

Felicity's mind stopped short and backtracked quickly.  _'He has my purse. Focus!'_

"Hey, this is a weapon. It could hurt people, I'm protecting the city!" His voice snapped her back to reality. While he said it with a straight voice, Felicity could hear the smile on his lips.

"Give it here, and we'll call it even,  _Stalker_." his hand froze over the zipper as she spoke low but clearly. Her face was a short distance from his ear, he could feel her breath against the back of his ear. It was a surprisingly enjoyable sensation. Not allowing his mind to continue down the road that lead to him focusing on how soft she felt, he relented. Releasing his hold on her hand and purse, allowing both of them to right themselves. Oliver crossing his legs in front of him, elbows at his knees and his hands in front of him.

After a brief tense silence, she muttered something about know-it-all bosses, a small smile breaking across his lips once more.

"You know, although I wish you hadn't heard me talking about everything, I'm glad you came." Felicity confessed, quietly. Oliver watched as her fingers danced over the frayed ends of her purse.

"Thea's barely spoken to me since the funeral. If I ever want to be on speaking terms with her, I had to try..."

Felicity nodded in agreement, moving aside her purse and plucking at the grass. When he failed to say anything more she looked up at him to find him staring at her. His eyes watching her with something she couldn't put her finger on.

"And how'd that go?"

Her voice broke whatever train of thoughts he was having and he looked down to the ground.

"Didn't get far," he confessed in a small voice, "even if the flowers weren't there...I don't know what to say. To be honest, you make it look easy." His voice was small. For a moment the words didn't completely register, she heard his voice of course. But his words seemed so unreal to her that she just stared blankly at him for a moment, Oliver thinking maybe he lost her before she burst out laughing.

"I don't find it all that amusing..." she shook her head as she calmed herself.

"No, no. Sorry, I'm not laughing at you...well I'm laughing at what you think. Which now that I say it out loud does not in fact, sound any better. But look, Oliver," she lifted herself up slightly, moving so her whole body was facing him.

"It's not easy. I've had practice," biting her lower lip in thought, she paused, "Time to sort things, you know. It's been a while, my wounds aren't as fresh as yours are." she continued.

"You can't keep expecting to wake up one day and suddenly accept this loss. The pain, the guilt, the anger-it's not suddenly going to disappear. It's going to be there so you'd better deal with it." her eyes went wide after she finished.

"That last part-I didn't mean to sound," she was flush and embarrassed and Oliver watched as a myriad of emotions flickered across her face.

"Look, I..." Felicity found herself trying to find the right words, but for once found herself not babbling on. "I still haven't deleted her texts." she finally confessed.

"Things happen, or I'll put my foot in my mouth in the most superb manner and I'll think 'Wait until I tell her what I did this time!'" she finally met his eyes, hoping her rather silly secret would help him understand.

"But then I remember I can't. I can't watch her expressions as I relay my stories of social ineptitude. She won't become all red from self-righteous anger because some dick cut me in line for coffee. It takes time." she explained softly, her eyes focused on the headstone in front of them. A nudge from his knee shook her out of her brief trance, his eyes following her in a silent question.

"Cassidy Elizabeth Smoak was my cousin. My mother's brother's daughter. She was two years younger than me, but she was-she was a force of nature. She never let the fact that she was younger stop her. Out of the two of us, she was the social butterfly, one of those people who just drew others around her naturally."

"When she set her mind to something she'd see it through come hell or high water. Whether it was getting a hold of her mother's car keys at the age of nine, or pushing me out of my comfort zone socially..." Oliver watched as she went on, a bright smile on her lips. It was fascinating to watch someone remember-to have it come so freely without any seeming pain.

"She was a light, and people gathered to her, like a moth does to a flame. It was hard not to..." there was the unspoken however looming in the air as she trailed off.

"Then the shoe vomiting situation...?" He asked, steering the conversation to what sounded like a happier memory.

Felicity's blush spread slightly down her neck and she nodded. "We were celebrating, I had just finished my AP exams. She got us some fake I.D.'s."

Oliver smirked. "A real rebel, eh? Glad to hear that I wasn't the first to lead you to break the law."

"Yes, well, I never said helping you was the first time I broke the law now, did I?" Her eyes narrowing briefly, meeting his in a side-long glance. Oliver smirked to himself, letting her continue.

"Well, let's just say I learned that just because I don't taste the tequila doesn't mean it's not there. It was one of the first times I felt so free. Not because of the booze, I just felt no pressure. The shoes made my feet ache, the dress wasn't mine and I hadn't had that much makeup on since I got into my mom's makeup when I was 5, but she made me feel like I didn't have to be so," she paused, her hands moving as if they were the cogs that kept her mind in motion.

"So composed and together all the time. Somehow I ended up next to Tommy. It was a social triumph." she smiled to herself, remembering the somewhat envious glares from some of the people with them.

"We got busted when we got home, grounded for a while. But honestly dealing with the hangover of that night was punishment enough." Oliver let out a small chuckle, imagining a younger Felicity, grumpy, achy and whining about the light being too much. It was an amusing thought.

"But Cas's headache never went away, no amount of pain killers or liquids seemed to help. Then she started getting sick, so her parents took her to the doctors." her voice became smaller. Focusing on the stone in front of her, the smile she wore slowly slipped away; one of her arms wrapping around the leg that was now bent, her chin perched upon it. Her other leg bent to the side, her hand plucking up more grass.

"Her white blood cell count was low- _too_  low, more testing was done and by the end of it all, she was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphoid Leukemia."

Felicity's voice had evened out, her eyes glassy and distant; much like Oliver's did when his mind drifted elsewhere. He stared at her, wanting to say something but nothing seemed adequate. He knew better than anyone what little good "I'm sorry" did. So he moved closer, their arms just barely touching, but remained silent. Just a silent presence, comfort if she needed it.

The slight contact of his arm brushing hers brought her back to the present, her eyes blinking rapidly.

"There was chemo of course, she remained positive throughout it. Even when her hair was thinning, and she constantly felt sick she always smiled. Always laughed about it, she even fell asleep during a treatment trying to tell a nurse a joke once," Felicity shook her head, a small smile on her lips.

"It worked, but the chemo also killed the cells in her bone marrow. She needed a transplant. We all got tested, although the doctors said it was unlikely if there wasn't a sibling match. But shockingly I was a match. We thought it a sign, we were going to be connected on a molecular level," she let out a hoarse sounding laugh before continuing.

"We knew the risks but, it felt so outrageous that I'd be a match, the world, the gods, whoever's in charge-they couldn't be that cruel. But they were," she finally turned to face him, her eyes clear but sad.

"Her body recognized the difference and attacked the cells within six months. We got to celebrate her twentieth birthday, then she was gone."

"Having time to say goodbye doesn't make it easier. You hear people say that it would be easier if their loved ones weren't taken so quickly. But it's not, watching the ones you love slowly die, still trying to be strong for those around them-its not easier. It's just different, but you push through it. You're surrounded by family and you're all grieving and you want to shout, you want to blame someone, anyone. You want to be alone-to take a deep breath but you're constantly bombarded by people asking if you're okay." she chuckled and shook her head.

"'Of course I'm fine, I just lost my closest friend in the world, what could possibly be wrong?'-I was so close to saying it so many times. Just to see what someone would do. But instead I nodded and got through it. I helped plan her funeral, made sure she got the send off she wanted," she looked over at Oliver.

"That's what she called it, never her funeral or tribute but her send off, her grand voyage."

Felicity didn't know when it had started, but she became aware that his hand was on her knee, his thumb slowly moving back and forth to comfort her. She stared at it for a moment, a smile pulling her lips up.

"Being here, talking to her allows me to still feel connected to her. While I've said goodbye, I can't give up. It's silly, I know, but it helps to have someone you can confide in about anything-particularly when you take up with a crime fighting vigilante." she explained, nudging his shoulder in jest as her words hit her own ears.

"Not that we've 'taken up' together, nor do I think about it like that. I don't think about taking up together-just working," she explained, her hands in front of her.

"Working, side by side-by side with Dig of course. There is no 'taking up' involved." she saw the telltale sign of his amusement, the sparkle of amusement in his eyes and his lips quirking up into a smile.

"I know." he said simply and she nodded. The flush in her cheeks slowly receding. They sat in companionable silence before Oliver finally spoke.

"You didn't have to step in like that you know. Someone would have gotten it done, you shouldn't have added that onto your plate," Felicity just shook her head at him, a sad smile on her face. He didn't know it'd started but, he started to recognize her smiles. The fake ones, the amused ones, the ones where she tried to keep in her laughter. But particularly the ones that spoke volumes of the apathy she felt, primarily while dealing with him.

"No, but it's what friends do. I didn't have anyone to help me like that when I lost Cas. She was my help, my go-to-gal if you will. We were all grieving, but her parents lost their child-a feeling I hope to never have to understand. I knew her best, I felt it my duty to do it and no one stopped me. Besides, for once it's something that I could do to help you. I mean, I get intel, and I grade your computers which is useful, I know." she put up one hand, as if to stop him from the automatic words of reassurance on his tongue about her importance to the team.

"But this is something I have experience with, for everything I've got going on-you've got tenfold more and this is something where I knew what to do. " She explained.

"Thank you." his voice was quiet, as he stared at the tombstone before them. If they hadn't been sitting so close together she would have missed it.

"There's no need to-"

"Not just for me, for Laurel, for Walter-particularly for Thea. She's quite impressed with you, you know," Oliver explained, Felicity's face surprised and a little confused, however she remained silent.

"I watched it," he confessed, already aware she knew.

"All of it, I couldn't be there for Thea. I failed her, again." his voice thick with self-loathing and anger.

"She lost our father, Tommy, now our mother-Walter is leaving, and I couldn't be there for her." He could hear Felicity shaking her head, the sound of her hair moving and the metal of her earrings coming in quick repetition.

"She mourned our father, she mourned me."

"But you came back-that's not your fault, Oliver!"

"Did I? I haven't been the brother I should have been since I've been back. I want to, but she deserves answers-answers I can't give her. I hate lying to her. I think she knows that I am too, that's why she's stopped coming to me. But you-you've given her comfort, comfort I can't give her..."

"Oliver, look," she sighed shaking her head at him.

"No, actually look at me, this isn't going to sink in otherwise." she explained further, a stern edge in her voice as she moved her hand to his chin to move his face to meet hers.

"You need to stop this...pity party. I get it, I mean, if anyone deserves to throw themselves one it's you, complete with sad dust ridden streamers and melting forgotten ice cream, but it's not going to make it better." despite the contact, his eyes refused to meet hers completely. Staring instead at points just beyond her.

"For you, for Thea...and it's not going to being Tommy back." Felicity's voice softened slightly, the mention of Tommy's name snapping his eyes to hers. His jaw tightened in response but he said nothing.

"It's not easy, I'm not saying it will be. But shutting down and hating yourself for it isn't going to make anything better for you. You're good at being silent, so use it. Listen to Thea, be there for her. Giving comfort isn't always about saying the right thing. If it was I'd be done for," at this his eyes lightened, his jaw unclenching slightly.

"It gets easier over time, never easy, but easier. You'll be able to think about him and not want to cry-or in your case hit things with sticks or put arrows through people. You did everything you could, it was Tommy's choice to save Laurel," she paused, hopeful that the words were sinking in.

"You need to accept that it wasn't your fault. You saved so many people that day Oliver, you can't let yourself lose sight of that. You made the tough call, you had to deal with Malcolm, if you hadn't-who knows where we'd be. I imagine that for Tommy, this was his redemption..." Oliver looked at her sharply, unsure of where this was going.

"You have been charged with saving the city from the wrongs of your father; saving Laurel-that was his. Perhaps redemption isn't the right word but, as you right the wrongs of your father, risking your life everyday to save the city, Tommy did that for Laurel. Because he loved her, and you risk your life for those you love, just as you do for the people of Starling City. It's just a different scale."

Realizing her hand was still on his chin, Felicity's eyes widened before she jerked her arm away. Another silence rising as neither spoke, Oliver still staring at her, his expression once more unreadable as she tried to look at anything except him as she wondered if she had gone too far. While she didn't regret it, his responses were not exactly predictable which was more worrisome. Felicity liked predictable outcomes, at least when emotions were involved. But logic and emotions rarely ever saw eye-to-eye so it became a waiting game.

Felicity was biting the inside of her cheek to keep from saying something, it seemed like an eternity before he finally spoke.

"So what's the box for?"

Brows furrowed, she turned her head slowly to face him, reminding herself facing him was inevitable.

"Box?"

Oliver nodded in the direction of where she'd put the small tupperware box that had fallen out of the bag she'd thrown at him.

"Oh, that box." she said, grabbing it from beside her purse and handing it to him. Before he could ask, she was digging through her purse for something. She didn't bother to look up when she spoke.

"Open it." she said firmly, but with a great amount of patience. He imagined it was the same voice she used while dealing with technologically inept co-workers. He then reminded himself that technically, he was included in that group but shook it off.

Gingerly opening the box he found a slightly battered cupcake.

"Ah ha!" Her voice cheerfully triumphant, he looked over to see her smiling proudly, holding a few small things in her hand. Putting aside her purse, she took the cupcake from the box.

"Make yourself useful." she commanded, holding the cupcake out to him. Doing as she asked he held it as she took the box from his lap, placed the lid securely on top and motioned for him to place the baked good on top.

Opening her left palm he could see clearly what she had been searching for. Looking to her determined face, placing a short green candle on the cupcake he smiled.

"It's her birthday," she explain simply, her focused gaze never leaving the cupcake as the candle continued to tilt to one side, refusing to stand straight.

"She'd be 25 today." Felicity's voice becoming tighter with frustration as she progressed from placing the candle into the cupcake to stabbing it with the candle. Grabbing her wrist, he stopped what would become a violent death for the baked good. Taking the candle and evening out the disturbed frosting, and placing the candle in the center.

"Thanks," she smiled at him and he nodded.

"Least I could do, considering its current state is partially my fault." he explained lightly, hoping to get a proper smile from her. She laughed at him, nodding her agreement. It was small but genuine, and Oliver felt himself smile wider, proud that he elicited the response.

"Happy Birthday, Cas," she said softly as she light the candle. "I, um,..." Felicity looked from the small candle burning to the headstone.

"I miss you," her voice was soft, nearly a whisper and for a moment Oliver felt that once more he was intruding on a private moment. Without thinking he placed a hand on her back, offering her what comfort he could. The touch surprised her, her back straightening and tensing for a second not sure how to respond. He felt his gut tighten in when he saw the reaction. Oliver didn't like it that she felt so unsure of her response to him. He made a note to try to change that, but clamped down other emotions that had become jarred from the response.

Turning to face him, Felicity met his eyes with a warm smile and eyes bright-the way he thought they are meant to be.

"How rude of me, Cassidy Elizabeth Smoak," she gestured to her buried cousin then to him.

"Oliver Queen. Oliver Queen may I introduce you to Cassidy Elizabeth Smoak,"

"Jonas," Oliver said, Felicity looking at him with vague confusion written on her face.

"Oliver Jonas Queen. If she gets the full name treatment, I felt it only fair I do too." he explained casually.

Felicity stared at him in disbelief for a moment before laughing, nodding to herself. "Jonas." she repeated. He could feel Felicity's eyes on him as he continued.

"A pleasure to meet you Cassidy. Happy Birthday," he bowed his head slightly, his right arm coming out with a flourish.

When he turned to meet her gaze, her face wore an expression that he couldn't quite place. Her eyes were bright, like they were when he came back with some encrypted data for her to decode, they were shining, but not with tears. Her smile wide, her bright pink lipstick still as perfect as it had been in the morning.

Shaking her head at him, Felicity blew out the candle now about half its original size. Taking the candle from the cupcake, Oliver watched her put the green candle between her lips before ripping the cupcake in two and holding a half out to him. Forcibly removing his eyes from her lips he accepted the offering, hoping she didn't notice how his eyes lingered he raised his eyebrows, lips quirked to one side in amusement.

Taking the candle from between her lips, she threw it in the general direction of her purse before returning his gaze.

"What? I'm not one to waste perfectly good frosting," she explained her sound logic.

Chuckling he bit into the cupcake, smiling at her. The fact that she kept the one with more frosting was not lost on him.

"What flavor is this?" He asked, swallowing and looking at the small piece left before looking over to her. He found her eyes closed in enjoyment, clearly ignoring his question. A nudge of his shoulders jolted her, eyes popping open.

"What?" She asked looking guiltily at him before she tried to stifle a laugh, unsuccessfully.

"Flavor?" He asked, watching her as she tried to school her amusement but failed.

"Salted Vanilla Carameeel," she giggled, popping the rest in her mouth and pointing to his mouth.

"Which um, you seem to have got," she motioned to the area around her lips, laughter bubbling up in a steady stream.

Wiping his mouth on a sleeve, he looked down to see his exposed shirt sleeve covered in white and tan.

"Did I mention it was filled with frosting too?" She asked, having collected herself and looking at him with an expression of pure innocence.

Shaking his head, he took his finger and swiped the frosting before smearing it under her nose, creating a sad-looking moustache.

"You didn't." he said, before eating the rest of his piece in perfect contentment.

"If that was supposed to shock or anger me you'll have to try harder, Mr. Queen," she said in utter seriousness.

"Oh?"

"You just gave me more frosting, really, it's a win for me," she explained happily, her finger taking the edible facial hair he smeared from her skin before popping it in her mouth. Oliver watched with rapt attention as the finger disappeared into her mouth, before shaking himself from the onslaught of distracting images his mind created.

"Really, I think I'm disappointed in you." she grinned at him, completely unaware of where his thoughts had been going.

Shaking his head at her, he stood up and offered his hand to her. Tucking the box away and grabbing her things, she accepted his proffered hand.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, although I just think it's good manners. It's awkward not to at least offer something to someone if you're having something, you know?" Felicity spoke, looking down as she cleaned off her skirt.

"Just rude to enjoy a cupcake and let you watch. And somewhat voyeuristic too. I mean, you do seem into that sort of thing." she went on, lifting her head to meet his. The regret of her words written across her features even as she spoke.

"Not that I think you're into voyeurism, you know sexually. It has never even occurred to me what you might be into-not that I don't think you have them, I mean everyone does. Or that you're not worthy of being thought of as a sexual kink person, you're sort of built like Thor; so really it'd surprise me if anyone claiming to have a pulse wouldn't be aware of that. Anytime you want to stop me would be great...because this could go on for a long ti-"

"Felicity." her name finally being spoken, clearly amused by her mortifying rambling breaking through. She could feel the flush spread to her neck but she risked a glance at him, knowing it could make it worse. While he was clearly thoroughly amused, his lips in a full smile. If she weren't so embarrassed she'd be proud she did that-hell, she still was. But his eyes remained unmoved.

"Not what I meant." Oliver clarified. She nodded once as they slowly made their way side-by-side down the row.

"Oh." As they turned to make their way towards the main entrance, he continued.

"This is an all encompassing thank you," he explained, glancing over at her and watching her as she absorbed the information.

"Then, you are all encompassing welcome," she responded cheerfully, turning to meet his eyes. Despite her teasing tone he could see she meant it, she understood the words he couldn't formulate.

"This is me," she said, point to her car in the lot.

"Which sounds really lame out loud, the movies lied," whether or not she had meant it to break the emotional tension or not, he laughed.

"I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yeah," she nodded. Oliver nodded, hands in his pockets as he waited until she got into her car before walking to his bike. As she opened the door to get in she stopped.

"Oliver?"

"Yes, Felicity?"

"You'll still go talk to Tommy, right?" He could hear the hopeful note in her voice, the worry for him evident in her face.

"I'll give it a shot." Felicity beamed back at him, nodding to herself as she got in her car. Starting the engine, she left, Oliver remaining behind to watch her go. Turning around, he took a deep breath and started off towards the direction he came in. It was about time he and Tommy talked.

**/END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all she wrote folks! Again, thank you for all your lovely comments and for taking an interest in this story. I do hope you enjoyed it. There is a possibility that it'll continue in some form, if people want it. Lord knows I have the plot bunnies. So let me know! :D


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